I recently found myself in a situation where I had to be amongst people I really don’t like. The reason I don’t like the people is because they are horrible, they are liars, control freaks, manipulative, deceptive, materialistic, angry, violent, bullying hypocrits! They (4 or 5 of them) have all been extremely horrible to me, infact I would say abusive towards me for many years, which is why I choose not to be around these people, ejecting them from my life following many instances of unbelievably nasty behaviour. But circumstances meant I had to be strong and endure them again, even though I knew it was only temporary it still wasn’t easy being alone amonst them.
I was sleeping & was awoken by being slammed against the wall and told by one of them they were leaving because if they didn’t they’d punch me through the fucking wall!!! lol, holy fuck! lol, what the holy shit was that about? Then this person lied and said to others that it was me who attacked them? lol, I have to laugh because that is typical of how pathetic these people are. Why didn’t this person just leave without waking me up & being violent towards me if they had a problem with me? I guess it’s because they’re not cabable of rational thought and being a control freak had to try and control my emotions to give them ‘power’ over me, but it does’t work with me, I’m aware of their motivations and I can see straight through them, and they certainly don’t impact upon me. I honestly think their issues are their own ignorance.
Anway back in my normal world where many other decent people refuse to have anything to do with the nasty person I mention above, I told the story of that incident to one of them because I thought it a story of psychology worth sharing, the decent person I told, who also ejected this nasty person from their life replied “She’s nothing more than a nasty, vindictive, spiteful cow” who she’ll never forgive for what she did to her, which I guess was conformation my thoughts on her are not deluded when there are so many others who refuse to know that ‘nasty, vindictive, spiteful cow’ who woke me up with a fist in my face just to tell me she had to leave before she punched me though the fucking wall! lol. I must point out here I hadn’t done anything to provoke that, I had been friendly to this person despite her dispicable behaviour towards me in the past. I know ignorant people distort things to fit with their world view and I know any attempt to communicate rationally with them is futile. It’s impossible to reason with unreasonable people, I have learned that important lesson through experience. Anyway they really are insignificant and I tell that story mostly to demonstate ignorant attitudes and to lead into the relevent bit of this post below.
My point; while I was forced to be back in the material world amongst these people, whom I quite secretely found interesting specimins as research into the ignorant culture (haha) who demonstrated anger, inability to accept difference, incapable of a conversation, expressed prejudices and stupid presumptions, and however arrogant I may sound I hardly found them intelligent life forms, but whatever, I really couldn’t wait to get back to my ‘normal’ life, I really missed ‘something’ and it made me realise how rich my world has become without having anything, and this is what I found myself longing to get back to. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced ‘missing’ something from my life before. I’ve never missed people, places or posessions, I can only describe what I was missing as being ‘this other thing‘ and this other ‘thing’ has become a big part of my life and I’ve become incredible attached to it, like a partner perhaps, it is some sort of love affair, and without it I began to notice a longing.
Curious to know what I had experienced I have just googled a few key words and stumbled upon the below, there are no better words to describe what I was experiencing. “This is so attractive, so magnetic, that it cannot be actually forgotten, only displaced by the usual contents and concerns of life. ”
Enlightenment Clearly Explained
By Sufi George
The experience of enlightenment is simple to state. It is the experience of awareness only, awareness that is aware of nothing at all except the existence of awareness itself.
During the experience of awareness, the thought-processing mind is empty, body awareness is lost, there is no feeling, all reality disappears. There is nothing in the imagination, there is nothing anywhere. It is an experience of nothing, of the void.
The key understanding that results from this experience of pure nothing is that one is still alive even when everything is gone. One realizes that one’s existence does not depend on anything except awareness itself. One realizes that awareness is the primal reality, the permanent core of ourselves.
The enlightenment experience makes many things immediately clear. It is clear that one’s existence does not depend on anything except awareness. This brings complete relief and liberation. It is clear that life is awareness, and not what awareness experiences.
So the body, the mind, the physical universe as well as dream universes, feelings, knowledge, are all non-essential to being alive. Fear and guilt vanish because awareness is beyond harm and experience is not part of one’s being.
It is clear that all experience comes from outside of oneself, that experience merely flows through awareness, and that one is not responsible for the helpless act of experiencing one’s experience.
In short, this state of freedom solves every problem by eliminating it, and provides a completely unburdened peace. This is so attractive, so magnetic, that it cannot be actually forgotten, only displaced by the usual contents and concerns of life.
Before the enlightenment experience, one has no idea of life without content. Rather, one’s awareness is flooded with content, with all of its concerns and hang-ups.
It should be noted that, after the initial impact of the enlightenment experience wears off, it can be set aside and one can easily slip back into one’s old lifestyle patterns.
Yet, after the enlightenment experience, one has a yearning for the remembered peace and freedom of the void. This yearning gradually influences one to decrease the amount of experience in awareness so that there is room in awareness for void. This becomes a balancing act between being aware of void and being aware of experience. The less experience one is aware of, the more void one is aware of, and the more free and peaceful life becomes.
With too much void and too little experience, however, one becomes an idiot, and so there is the need for learning to balance between void and experience.
With enough void in the balance, there is nothing in life that can consume one. Life is fluid and changeable. Life becomes more like a movie than a trap. More accurately, life becomes a group dream.
Yearning for the void influences in the direction of keeping awareness empty of experience. Balancing involves deliberate efforts to remember specific things out of practical necessity. The more experiential content there is in awareness, the less room there is for the void. The more void there is in awareness, the less experience there is, and the less important or consequential experience becomes.
Just thought I’d write about that! It’s very true and a great description of how I craved that void, that nothingness except awareness. Hard to explain but the guy is spot on. It’s like a state of awareness and nothing else matters, because ‘matter’ is insignificant when enlightened.